Cooking calamities
Oh dear what a frustrating event my baking was this week! A-ha! I thought I would try my hand at making fudge.

Attempt 1
Throw the ingredients into the pan, look cool, stir until sugar melted. Have a beer.
Check pan, find it bubbling to the top, panic and stir like mad.
Test the fudges stiffening capabilities by dropping a little sample of it into glass of water. Does it form a little ball? Well kind of?!?
Put pan in sink of cold water and allow to cool. Have a beer
Has the fudge started to stiffen at base (what does that mean-that sounds rude!)
Ok think so - so whip like mad (kinky this fudge making)
Then toss the lot into greased baking tray and leave to cool. Relax and have a beer

Next morning - stick finger in fudge and find it's runny as snot!

Attempt 2
Same as above but...
boiled it for 5 minutes until the bottom of pan looked a bit browny-black, I think that should do it. Again test it, but this time burn tongue licking the spoon! Ouch!Have a beer to cool tongue.
Throw pan into sink, wait until cool and then beat like mad. Throw into baking tray and have another beer.

Next morning - stick finger in fudge and find that it resembles day old pavement pizza. Cry.

Attempt 3
Same as in attempt 2 - but decide to burn the bottom of the pan. More heat means more cooking - right? mmmm maybe not. Fudge now resembles rather dark sticky mess that looks more like treacle than a lovely golden brown fudge colour.

Maybe I should stick my face into that gooey mess - it might work better as a deep pore cleansing mask rather than a sickly sweet treat!

I GIVE UP - I've been beaten by fudge! I shall stick to the chocolate fudge brownies and carrot cake....